When Positivity Becomes Toxic

Exploring the hyper-focus on always being positive

Some of the most toxic people I have met were so, so very positive.  All the time.  No matter the situation.  Everything was fun.  Great.  Laughing.  Was it awful?  No, let’s smile and laugh and give it a good spin.  In retrospect, it took an embarrassingly long time for me to realize how this positivity was toxic.

Overall, toxic positivity is a way to minimize the wide range of human emotions.  The behavior is generally well intended but does not feel good to the person on the receiving end.

The “positivity movement” brought about this toxic level.  It is an interesting balance.  Feeling happy is good, but too much emphasis on only having a positive attitude can be counterproductive.  It can even lead to more unhappiness.  Not only is it counterproductive, it also sounds counterintuitive. 

Toxic positivity feels like a minor variation of the good vibes only.  This “good” or “positive vibes only” sets a dangerous precedent for relationships and interactions.  Being positive becomes toxic when people feel that they need to be positive in situations where, naturally, they should not be.  Being happy all of the time is unnatural.  It’s also inauthentic.  

But wait… it’s great to try to be happy all the time, right?

Interestingly, not really.  Pursuing happiness indirectly has been found to be more productive for greater well-being, rather than pursuing constant and consistent high levels of positivity or happiness.  Constant positivity creating unhappiness seems counterproductive.  No wonder it feels so uncomfortable to be on the receiving end.  Creating situations in which others feel like they cannot express anything other than “good vibes” appears to have the potential to create unhealthy situations.

Does this help people?

Expressing emotions other than constant positivity and happiness are normal.  Pain and suffering, unfortunately, are part of life and important to talk about.  However, many common reactions are the “could be worse” (also the roots of a popular childrens’ book) or “look on the bright side.”  Sometimes there is no bright side.  The spin on tragedy should not be sought.  

The results of toxic positivity are denial, minimization, and invalidation of genuine human emotions.  

Perhaps fortunately, I cannot be relied on for constant positivity.  Maybe this is just me over here looking at real human emotions.  Possibly this is better for being in touch with reality.  Artificial, constant positivity seems difficult to maintain.  Not to mention, toxic positivity is… toxic.

The University of Minnesota provides great resources on signs you might be experiencing or offering toxic positivity.  This Medium article helps to compare and contrast responses to others focused on validation and hope versus toxic positivity.